How Partners Can Better Support Mothers While Breastfeeding

The Early Days with a Baby Are Challenging

The first weeks and months with a newborn are an exciting yet challenging time for new parents. Particularly, breastfeeding can be very time-consuming and exhausting for mothers. It is not only a physical challenge but also emotionally taxing, as many mothers strive to do everything right. A recent survey by the women’s technology brand elvie addresses this: What kind of support do mothers receive, what do they lack? And how is the division of roles in baby care? These questions are crucial for promoting mothers' well-being and supporting harmonious partnerships.

70% of Partners Want to Support More During Breastfeeding

The women’s technology brand elvie surveyed around 1,000 parents of young children. The survey was conducted by the polling institute Innofact. It focused on who bears the primary burden of baby care and how breastfeeding mothers can be better supported. The results are revealing: Approximately 70 percent of fathers indicated that they want to support their partners more during breastfeeding. This shows that many fathers are aware of their role and want to actively contribute to easing the challenges of breastfeeding.

Interestingly, 14 percent of mothers – or one in seven – would welcome this support, as they feel it is insufficient. This suggests that there is often a discrepancy between what fathers are willing to give and what mothers actually need. Almost one in five mothers (18 percent) complained that fathers are often unaware of how time-consuming and exhausting breastfeeding can be. The study states: "Mothers spend about five hours a day solely feeding their little ones in the first six months." This impressive figure underscores the importance of fathers actively participating.

Nevertheless, 79 percent of mothers, more than three-quarters, are actually satisfied with the support they receive. It is all the more interesting and encouraging that fathers still want to be more involved. It shows that there is an awareness of the challenges of breastfeeding and a growing desire for equality in parenting.

Desire and Reality Are Still Far Apart

However, according to the survey, the primary burden of care still falls on mothers. In one question, parents were asked to indicate who bore the main responsibility for 20 different tasks. And almost always, it was the mothers. About 78 percent of mothers reported that they primarily put the baby to bed at night and attended the majority of doctor’s appointments, comforted the baby and were present (76 percent), took the baby for walks (72 percent), and bathed the baby (66 percent). These figures illustrate that mothers often bear the main responsibility for daily tasks related to the baby.

According to the survey, partners only took primary responsibility in the areas of changing diapers (51 percent) and playing with the baby (57 percent). However, mothers did not necessarily share this assessment. For example, 71 percent of mothers indicated that they played more with the baby, and 76 percent said they primarily changed the baby’s diapers. This reveals a clear discrepancy between fathers' perceptions and the reality in which many mothers feel they carry the main burden.

The question arises whether fathers overestimate their contributions or mothers underestimate them. For instance, while women reported taking on feeding in 84 percent of cases (with their partner only 7 percent), only 67 percent of fathers claimed this and estimated their contribution at 21 percent, more than double the actual figure. The perception of breastfeeding was also very different: Mothers indicated they took on 79 percent of the feeding while the partner did 13 percent. Conversely, partners believed they were responsible for 26 percent and the mother for 62 percent. This discrepancy highlights the importance of couples openly discussing their roles and expectations to avoid misunderstandings.

5 Midwife Tips for Fathers Who Want to Support More

Midwives Julia Brömsen and Jasmin Czech have gathered helpful tips for fathers who want to be more involved and better support their partners. These tips are not only practical but also a way to strengthen the bond between father and child and solidify the relationship with their partner.

According to the midwives, mothers still often feel like the primary caregivers, which adds incredible pressure and stress on top of the beautiful moments with their newborn. Therefore, the midwives appeal to the "new fathers" who want to live their roles more equally, as well as to those who wish to support more despite relatively traditional role distributions. Here are the tips:

• Be Attentive: By asking mothers what they specifically need or where they can be supported, fathers can be incredibly helpful. This makes mothers feel cared for and acknowledged in their needs. It can be as simple as asking: "How can I help you today?" or "What do you need to relax?"
• Build a Bond with the Baby: It’s never too early to introduce quality time between dad and baby to build a wonderful bond. Plus, it benefits both moms and dads when they both know how everything works – relieving some of the burden on mothers. Fathers can hold the baby during bath time or carry them in a sling while moving around the house.
• Take on Household Tasks: First and foremost, every mother should focus on herself and the baby after giving birth, not on household chores. The more fathers take on (shopping, cooking, laundry, vacuuming), the better. A well-managed household can significantly reduce stress for the mother.
• Facilitate Me-Time for Mom: Unfortunately, mothers often forget about themselves and their needs. Therefore, it’s crucial for fathers to actively plan time for self-care for them. A quick pump of milk, and they’re ready to go. Perhaps the father can use this time to feed the baby while the mother takes a relaxing bath or simply has an hour for herself.
• Ensure Enough Quiet Time: Especially in the early days, everyone wants to see the baby. Here, fathers are called to action: Coordinate short visits, ensure it doesn’t get too hectic, and ideally ask guests to bring something to eat. The first weeks are crucial for the bond between parents and baby, and quiet is essential.

Editorial Note: The survey refers only to mother and father; since this article is based on the survey, gender-neutral language was not used as there is no information on same-sex couples. However, this discussion is important and should be considered in future surveys to obtain a complete picture of modern family structures.