6 Phrases That Kids Often Say When They're Overwhelmed by School Stress

School Can Put More Pressure on Our Children Than We Realize

If your child frequently says phrases like these, it may indicate they are experiencing too much stress. With the start of the school year, new questions arise in family life: How do we organize ourselves? What does my child need, can they handle it? School doesn't always mean fun; it often comes with pressure. That's why it's crucial to recognize early signs of overwhelm and take action in a timely manner.

Six Phrases That Indicate School Stress

Lisa Reinheimer was a teacher for many years and founded the platform Klassenheld (www.klassenheld.de). She helps parents reduce the pressure surrounding school. Whether it's endless discussions over homework, the morning chaos with lunch boxes and gym bags, stomachaches before tests, or tears on report card day – the platform offers advice for various problems. Lisa understands the challenges that come with the learning process. Excessive pressure on students can often be reflected in their language. Here, the expert lists phrases that stressed children commonly use and explains how we can best respond:

"I can't do this."

When your child says this, it can be a clear sign of overwhelm. Instead of responding with, "Yes, you can! Don't be so dramatic," which might increase their pressure, it's better to react empathetically. Instead, say: "You can't do it yet, and that's completely okay. Everyone has to start somewhere. Remember how you learned to ride a bike? It was tough at first, but with practice, you succeeded!" This positive reinforcement helps the child build self-belief and motivates them to keep trying. It's important for children to understand that learning is a process and that making mistakes is part of it.

"I don't understand this."

When your child says, "I don't understand this," it's often a cry for help. Instead of responding with an accusation like, "You covered this in school!" which could further unsettle them, it's helpful to de-escalate the situation. Instead, say: "Read the task again. What do you understand so far? Ah, it's about nouns. And what are you supposed to do with the nouns? Underline them? Okay, let's break down the task together." By breaking the task into smaller, more manageable parts, you help your child maintain perspective and feel capable of tackling the challenge. Using everyday examples can also enhance understanding.

"I'm stupid."

When children express this, it's often a sign of frustration and self-doubt. Instead of immediately saying, "No, you're not!" which the child might perceive as rejection, it's better to take their feelings seriously. Instead, say: "Okay. I know for sure that you're not stupid. But I'm curious: What makes you think that? What led you to feel this way?" By asking the child, you give them the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings. Often, it's helpful to search for solutions together or simply listen. This shows your child that they are not alone and that it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes.

"Others are better/faster/smarter than I am."

This phrase can indicate that your child feels pressured when comparing themselves to others. Instead of saying, "But you excel at other things," which would only reinforce the comparison, it's better to take the child's perception seriously. Instead, say: "Do I understand you correctly: You think it's cool that XY can do math so well?" "Yes." "Would you like to be able to do math as well as X?" "Yes." "Shall we ask X how they achieved that? Maybe they can share what they did, and then we can try it too. You have everything you need to be great at math as well!" Through such conversations, you not only boost your child's self-esteem but also encourage social interaction and learning from others.

"I don't want to go to school!"

When your child says this, there can be many reasons behind it. Instead of saying, "You have to go," which would only increase the pressure, it's important to find out what specifically is bothering them. Instead, say: "What makes school so terrible for you right now? Let's talk about it." By taking your child seriously and valuing their feelings, you create a foundation of trust. Show your child that you appreciate their efforts, not just their grades. Support them in finding solutions and remind them that it's okay not to like everything all the time. There may be specific subjects or situations that the child finds particularly challenging, and targeted support can help here.

"Why do I have to do this?"

This phrase is often expressed in relation to homework or studying. Instead of saying, "Because you have to" or "We all had to do it," which could frustrate the child, it's better to explain the responsibility. Instead, say: "School is your responsibility. I get it. Sometimes I don't want to unload the dishwasher either, but I do it anyway. Shall we start, and if it's still unbearable after five minutes, we can stop?" Often, it’s just about getting started, and when the child sees that they are making progress in small steps, they become more motivated. By breaking the task into small, manageable steps, you help your child maintain perspective and feel capable of overcoming the challenge.

It's important that we don't leave our children to face their school problems alone and remain vigilant for changes in their behavior. Do they seem less motivated, sad, or tense? All of these can be significant signs of too much stress! It's crucial that we, as parents, are attentive and take our children's needs seriously. If you feel that the stress is becoming too much, don't hesitate to seek professional help. There are many resources available to help you and your child cope better with the pressure.